California Conservative

Recognizing when one is a liberal, and knowing the full extent of that devastating mental disorder, is vital information that everyone should have in order to effectively navigate life’s many obstacles and roadblocks.

This simple, yet scientific, test has been programmed to evaluate one’s liberal quotient. Asking for honest answers from liberals is probably unrealistic; nonetheless, honesty is essential for this exercise.

Take the test:

1. Roe V. Wade, one of America’s most famous founding Fathers, authored Amendment No. 16 to the US Constitution which guarantees women the right to privacy while undergoing an abortion.

In what year was Amendment 16 added to the Bill of Rights?

( ) 1792
( ) 1812
( ) Still being filibustered by Dems

2. The war on terror is:

( ) Based on outright lies and exaggerations by the Bush administration, and, as such, criminal in nature.
( ) Over, kaput. The terrorists have won—Bush should surrender immediately.

3. Abortions should be:

( ) Mandatory for unmarried women under 30 .

( ) A real no-no after an expectant mother has started to labor, unless the attending physician and nurse can guarantee that law enforcement authorities will not be notified.

4. Higher taxes:

( ) Stimulate economic growth and create millions of secure, high paying jobs.

( ) Are needed to keep overachievers humble.

( ) Should be paid by any family with an annual income in excess of $10,000.

5. ( ) True or ( ) False?

President Bush has personally listened to calls made and received by Democrats and moderate Republicans. This type of domestic spying is OK as long as the president does not use racial profiling in deciding which calls to eavesdrop on.

6. Samuel Alito:

( ) Is a bigoted racist who should take up the cross of women’s rights, diversity and tolerance, using Ted Kennedy as a role model.

( ) Should report to the Supreme Court immediately because the Senate confirmation process is a complete waste of time and can be ignored with impunity.

( ) Is far too Italian and, with Anthony Scalia also on the bench, will lead to discrimination against the Mafia, the Sopranos, and other innocent Italians.

7. Osama bin Laden obviously had help with the language in his latest warning to America. That help most probably came from:

( ) The Council on American Islamic Relations (CAIR)
( ) John Murtha, Howard Dean, and John Kerry
( ) Editors at the New York Times & Washington Post

8. President Bush should respond to Osama bin Laden’s latest warning and truce offer as follows:

( ) Offer Louisiana, Mississippi, and all other red states ravaged by major hurricanes to OBL in exchange for Iraq and Afghanistan.

( ) Send Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein, Patty Murray and Hillary Clinton to Tora Bora in exchange for a luxury cave with a view.

9. In order to appear tough for the 2006 elections, Democrats should the following steps to resolve the Iran nuclear weapons crisis:

( ) Immediately withdraw our”broken down” military from Iraq and deploy the troops to Iran with John Murtha in command.

( ) President Bush to send a personal note* to Iran President Ahmadinejad telling him the Islamic messiah bought a GPS made in China and mistakenly ended up in a well on Bush’s ranch in Texas.

*Bush’s note to include this warning: Ahmadinejad, shut down your centrifuges or we will force your messiah to watch “Brokeback Mountain” and eat Kosher food.

That’s it. You have successfully completed this objective assessment of your vulnerability as a practicing liberal. Congratulations!

Because we understand that self-esteem and confidence are very fragile commodities to liberals, we provide neither answers nor grades to this test. This is essential to protect those who may have performed poorly.

But rest assured that you did GREAT just by reading all the questions without requesting a lawyer or psychiatrist!

UPDATE: (3/2)
Michelle Malkin: “Unhinged Teacher Caught on Tape”

“The teacher has been put on leave. I think he needs medical help.”

Sound like a perfect candidate for this test…

John W Lillpop is a recovering liberal who has been “clean and sober” since 1992 when he last voted for a Democrat. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area, the only place on earth where Nancy Pelosi and Barbara Boxer are considered sane and intelligent.

The opinions expressed in this column represent those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, views, or philosophy of CaliforniaConservative.org

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 1st, 2006 at 11:09 am and is filed under Humor, Liberals. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.