California Conservative

An old friend sent me something this afternoon that’s MUST READING. It’s an article about the heaviest element known to man. Here’s the study in its entirety:

A new addition to “Chemistry’s Periodic Table Research” has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neuron, 25 assistant neurons, 88 deputy neurons and 198 assistant deputy neurons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact. A minimal amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neurons and deputy neurons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neurons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass!

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

I appreciate my friend John’s email. We’ve seen this inertia at work the last 4 years. The past 4 years have, in fact, worked exactly according to the process described in John’s email.

If a smart scientist ever discovers a way to vaporize large quantities of morons, we’d have a near-perfect world. Unfortunately, there isn’t any incentive for scientists to invent such a vaporization process since that would give them fewer things to study in the long term.

Technorati Tags: Chemistry, Scientists, Discovery, Morons, Peons

Cross-posted at LetFreedomRingBlog

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 22nd, 2008 at 1:29 pm and is filed under Author: Gary Gross, Liberals, Special Interests. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.