Pelosi to Unveil Democrat “Contract on America”
Chief satirist Scott Ott reports:
The Democrat party, which has come under fire from within and without recently for its lack of a cohesive message or platform just eight months out from a national election, will soon unveil a plan intended to emulate the success of the Republicans’ 1994 “Contract with America,” according to House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.
“We took a good concept that offered bad policies, and brought our progressive ideals to it,” said Rep. Pelosi. “We wanted a name that capitalized on the success of the previous plan, but made it clear that our goals are quite different.”
The Democrat “Contract on America” will be launched within the next several weeks, she said, “and it’s destined to pull our party together, give a us a sense of mission and meaning, and to inspire some really amazing bumper stickers and buttons.”
Mrs. Pelosi said the key difference between the old “Contract with America”, and the new “Contract on America” is captured in the preposition.
The phrase was suggested by progressive linguist George Lakoff, the U.C. Berkeley professor who consults with Democrats on “Å“how to say what they mean without using traditional, culture-bound words that people understand.”
“The word ‘on’ in the ‘Contract on America’ denotes something positive and active,” said Mr. Lakoff. “It indicates that Democrat ideas are not off, they’re right on. It’s much stronger than the word ‘with’, which always sounded passive. The ‘Contract on America’ says Democrats are progressively leading America onward in a single, inevitable direction.”Â
Rep. Pelosi said top Democrats “need just a few more weeks to finalize the ‘Contract on America’, now that we have agreed to this catchy title.”
“m sure the actual ideas and policies will start to flow from there,” she said. “Then you’ll see the American people rally to the Democrat cause in a way that hasn’t happened since we nominated Michael Dukakis for the presidency.”
UPDATE:
SisterToldjah takes a more serious look at the story
March 7th, 2006 at 7:11 am
I may be one of those ‘ignorant’ conservatives but Contract ON American sounds like a mafia hit to me.
March 7th, 2006 at 8:52 am
I’m sorry but Michael Dukakis lost the election to Bush 41 in 1988. If the ideas are to flow, the Bush lied, Bush is Hitler and Bush is evil talk has to stop. We must unite to fight against terrorism and win the war. America depends on it. There is no other way.
March 7th, 2006 at 1:32 pm
“The ‘Contract on America’ says Democrats are progressively leading America onward in a single, inevitable direction.â€Â
How will this single, inevitable direction lead to protecting America from future terrorist attacks? The Democratic party itself cannot present a unified message concerning the War in Iraq. Some say they support the troops, but not the war - which is impossible to do. Others say it’s time to pull out immediately before we can finish what has been started there. While others still remain silent or show quiet support. They continuously try to reach audiences through their criticism of President Bush and his decision to go to war when many of them voted to go there based on the same intelligence. Does anyone else feel like their stance is all over the map? I’ll be interested to see how they come out with this “unifying direction” despite the lack of any direction for the war on terrorism.
March 7th, 2006 at 5:51 pm
Lack of direction? The donkeys have that one covered: which direction does sewage flow? Downhill? That’s the only direction they know.
March 7th, 2006 at 7:09 pm
Contract on America? what the hell is this, the Sopranos?
March 7th, 2006 at 7:23 pm
By simply mimicking a Republican idea and changing a preposition, does the Democratic Party really think that’s all that’s needed to attract voters? No, ideas and consistency is what people look for.
Furthermore, just eight months away from November is a little late in the day to finally pull their party together, give them a sense of mission and meaning, and to “inspire some really amazing bumper stickers and buttons.”
I can think of one bumper sticker…”‘Contract on America’ yeah that sounds like a new idea.” If the Democrats call progress as changing prepositions, I guess we’ll have to start calling them the grammar party.
March 7th, 2006 at 7:36 pm
Boy, is Rush going to have fun with this tommorrow!
Democrats: Progressively looking backwards.
Democrats: We hated this in 1994, but might work in
2006!
Democrats: Old ideas are good.
Old, stolen ideas are even better.
Democrats: They stole the election, so we will steal their
ideas.
Truely pitiful.
March 9th, 2006 at 3:10 am
“I’m sure the actual ideas and policies will start to flow from there,†she said.
Does anyone else find this comment by Pelosi almost laughable? Since when does an unoriginal title for a nonexistant plan instantly creative ideas and policies for a party that obviously can find no unity at all. I’m not sure who suggested hiring Lakoff, but he obviously is getting paid for not a whole lot of work. The change in preposition brings no positive connotation as far as I’m concerned and is subtle at best. I got half way through this article before I even noticed what the difference was. And though I find all of this somewhat humorous, it does concern me that the Democrats can find no unity on important issues like national security. Even though I have no doubt that the Republican party will remain the majority this fall, it would be much more comforting to know that the other half of Congress has a plan that isn’t based solely on “Bush Bashing”.
March 10th, 2006 at 4:58 am
[...] * * * Note: Since some readers have experienced confusion* over Scott Ott’s writings, we point out that this article is satire. For entertainment purposes only. While it may sound like real news, that’s just because the world is that silly. [...]