Scott Ott’s latest satire from the frontlines:

(2006-12-07) — Iran already has the N-bomb, according to an unnamed European diplomat, and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has approved a plan to begin deploying it at comedy clubs in the United States.

The CIA is investigating allegations that former comedians Michael Richards (Kramer on Seinfeld) and Andy Dick (that guy on the 1990s sitcom NewsRadio), may have connections to the Iranian regime.

“The N-bomb poses a particular danger because you don’t even need a briefcase to hide it,” said one unnamed CIA source. “It’s so small that you can conceal it in the human heart, and it won’t show up on x-rays.”

Experts say its the perfect terror tool because American reaction to the use of the N-bomb, exceeds their fear and outrage over suicide bombers, or al Qaeda’s plan to rule the world from Baghdad.

President Ahmadinejad has denied Iran is developing such a weapon, but has also called for the destruction of American establishments “where customers drink disorienting beverages and pay to giggle at adults saying naughty words.”